American Trucks vs. Import Cars


 Why We're Better
By Sean Otterspoor & Dave Marini
1. If a fender bender is something you can attach to your car' s hood.
2. If you are personally responsible for the oil crisis.
3. When you pull into a gas station the attendant jumps up and down with glee.
4. Two words: Factory Tint.
5. CHROME!!
6. Aerodynamics, who needs it?
7. You count your cylinders by the dozen.
8. Need more horsepower? Extra room in hood for Clydesdales.
9. Fuse lighting provides pleasing glow.
10. High beams induce photosynthesis.
11. What is the largest animal you have tied to the front of your car?
12. When the name of your car is high on the food chain.
13. When you don't notice speed bumps.
14. Rear wheel drive.
15. When your car has a doorbell.
16. When you have to specify which backseat.
17. The name of your car includes "ton".
18. It looks like the A-Team Van.
19. Your gas mileage is 4.. . gallons to the mile.
20. You bought your windshield from Home Depot.
21. Floor switch for high beams.
22. Your tires are taller than most Japanese men.
23. Your car is so wide that your passenger uses an intercom to talk to you.
24. Full Size Speakers cause deafness to small woodland creatures.
25. Your battery is a backup power source for New York.
26. It's a DODGE RAM.
27. You've never looked before merging onto I-95.
28. Your carpet is bigger than most peoples living rooms.
29. 2 foot long wiper blades.
30. You buy oil by the barrel direct from Saudi Arabia.
31. In collision oxygen masks fall from ceiling.
32. Your car lacks airbags because metal dash makes death quick and painless.
33. Your car calls itself... The DEATH MOBILE or BUTCH or PRISCILLA.
34. Is YOUR car fallout shelter?
35. If a comet threatens Earth. Scientists will use your VAN's torque to change the orbit of the Earth, by driving against the planets rotation.
36. Have you ever been accused of transporting illegal aliens.
37. Toll both attendants try to charge you the commercial rate.
38. Have you ever been asked how many axles you have?
39. You vacuum your car with an upright.
40. Your car has electrical outlets.
41. Kitchen Sink found next to stove in back seat.
42. Glove compartment replaced with walk in coat closet.
43. You've transported livestock.
44. Your car has been banned from Easton because it scares the cows.
45. Your spare tire's cover matches your cars interior.
46. People call you instead of AAA for a tow.
47. You required a zoning variance to park your car in front of your house.
48. Mud flaps with naked women come standard.
49. Oil dipstick is four feet long.
50. Your transmission is the size of a VW Bug.
51. School children on field trips pump their fists as they pass you so you'll honk.
52. Crash insurance unnecessary.
53. I-beam construction provides smoother ride.
54. That red flashing light on car roof makes it easy to find at night.
55. Filling gas tank is an all day trip.
56. Your roof doubles as an observation platform.
57. Como se dice Ground Clearance.
58. Your car is larger than most Central American Countries.
59. Trailer Hitch, Trailer Hitch, Trailer Hitch.
60. Mountain climbing gear required to reach drivers seat.
61. Lap bar restraints.
62. Before parking the fasten seat belt sign lights up.
63. Handy seat back trays.
64. Exhaust pipe has larger diameter than most sewer pipes.
65. Have you seen the monkey?
66. You have curtains.
67. You've been mistaken for a tractor trailer.
68. Expansive interior produces echo effect.
69. Engine located next to driver's seat makes soothing hum.
70. More dogs live under your car than under a rednecks porch.
71. Your cup holder is a man named Carlos.
72. 50 p.s.i. tires.
73. You think twice before passing a weigh station.
74. Radio antenna picks up WCCP in Moscow.
75. The Great wall isn't the only thing visible from space.
76. Have you ever considered putting a bed in the back of your car.
77. Your clock has a pendulum.
78. You don't actually need all those cylinders.
80. THE CLUB is only half the diameter of your steering wheel.
81. You feel like the captain on The Love Boat.
82. You receive a notice stating that your TRUCK was drafted to the military.
83. Used to find mine fields in Iraq because Sherman tanks were built too weak.
84. You create your own parking space.
85. Snowplows follow you .
86. Police K-band detector replaced with Nexrad precision radar.
87. Your car serves as a mobile heli-pad.
88. Your car is cable-ready.
89. Car is used to place paintings while they renovate a wing of the Louvre.
90. You've recently rearranged the furniture in your car.
91. Your car has it's own atmosphere.
92. Hyundai sounds like a bodily function.
93. You're the reason why the chicken crossed the road.
94. You require a high tension power line to jump start your car
95. Transmission fluid is an option not a necessity
96. A car pool is something your car has, not does
97. Your onboard computer is larger than most P C's
98. The driver's seat is a Lazy Boy recliner
99. You have to shovel coal into your car's engine
100. Gun rack cuts glare from tailgaters
101. Your car has ushers
102. Acceleration 0-35 1.2 seconds, 35-65 10.9 seconds
103. In event of emergency seat cushions become floatation devices
104. Your car like this list runs on after you stop the engine
105. It's not a Honda



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